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I feel so broken sometimes
not even in the sad “i’m broken because someone hurt me”, even though I do feel that.
I mean literally broken. Unable to do tasks that everyone does. Things I shouldn’t even have to think about doing, and are very simple tasks.
My hair’s a mess right now. I don’t think I’ve brushed it in about a week and a half.
I rarely brush my teeth. It’s a miracle I even still have teeth and not a single problem besides one cavity from when I was younger.
I rarely shower. I hate how I smell. Everyone else does to.
I don’t make my bed. I don’t clean my room. There are a bunch of food crumbs under my keyboard. There have been things I’ve been meaning to do for a while now that I still haven’t done.
I have 1 commission and I feel overwhelmed with it. It’s taken me more than a month to even try to do something with it besides a sketch. I still can’t bring myself to do anything else besides that.
I can’t seem to take my meds regularly at all. I’ve cut down to one pill a day just because I keep forgetting to take the other.
I can’t sleep on time. Ever. I literally went to bed around 9 one day, and it completely screwed up my schedule. 9 has never been a bad time for me before. I’m starting to wonder if I’ll ever get back on a decent schedule because not even my body likes anymore it seems like.
I’m also starting to wonder if I need to take melatonin. I talked to my doctor about it earlier this year and he wanted me to start it, but once again I never did and have a problem with taking meds regularly.
Daily tasks and living is a struggle for me.
I understand that now that I have Diabetes that it will be different, but I struggled with these things even before that. Its been years and I still struggle with daily living.
I get frustrated because I feel like sometimes that everyone thinks I like to live this way. I like to stink and live in a mess and not get decent sleep and not get anything that I wanted to get done because I have literally no energy all the time. It’s not like that though. I don’t forget to do these things 98 percent of the time. I know I need to do them but I just can’t bring myself to. I don’t know why though, and it gets frustrating.
To them it’s easy, they just tell me that I have to discipline myself to doing it. I don’t feel like it works anymore though.
I don’t doubt I need discipline, I know I do, but I always snap out of it for one reason or another. I can’t consistently do any of it without at some point just dropping it. I don’t necessarily feel like this is a problem I should look into like I have some mental illness or something, but it’s getting unbearable and uncontrollable. It’s becoming a real serious problem. Its kinda always been one, but its physically and mentally effecting me big time now.
I know that wanting to do something and not being able to do it is a sign of depression. I dont’ remember seeing any improvement on these things though when I took the plethora of anti depressants I had in the past. The one I have now makes me really irritable if I take more than a 3rd of the pill a day. I also remember doing some weird things I don’t do now, so I’m not even sure if it was helping then.
I’m just kinda getting frustrated with myself a lot for some reason lately.
I better get some sleep though.
~Team Breakfast Club~
The perfect friends anyone could ask for. <3
Klobear drawn by the great NekoMellow
Sprites drawn by the impeccable SpiritReaper07
Hello and thank you for visiting my page! Here you will find all the weird and interesting things that I draw. Feel free to ask me any questions you may have
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