Musical-Medic

I hope this website rots into oblivion

Hi all. I'm just going to get to the point. My dad passed away suddenly last week. It's been an incredibly harrowing experience and I just don't know when I'll be back on here. I know I really haven't been that active to begin with though. Having to post this after talking about how I almost died earlier this year is just so gut wrenching. The biggest focus I have right now is my little sister and trying to financially support the family as much as I can. I'm just so fucking sad.

TL:DR I nearly died in the ICU last friday, and to be frank really should’ve with what I was dealing with.

but i’m making a great recovery! Gonna be like. On and off for quite a while tbh.I’m just copy/pasting what I sent in a group chat just now so if it’s weirdly formated thats why.

I need to put like, death/hospital/sickness tws galore here because I’m gonna go in depth in the situation but I hope there isn’t anymore i’m not thinking about rnLast friday my mom rushed me to the hospital and I was put into the ICU for about 5 days. I had/was in(?) Diabetic Ketoacidosis and the doctors said like. maybe 20 minutes/an hour later and I would’ve probably died.

To be honest though I felt like I was already there. Apparently mom took a video because my dad and sister were asking about me and my sister just straight up said I looked like i was fighting for my life. (Haven’t watched it yet cuz I like. don’t wanna get caught on accident by my little sister who doesn’t know the severity of the situation) To try and summarize real quick, Diabetic Ketoacidosis happens because the body isn’t producing enough insulin. Ketones build up in your body, which are basically build up/clumps of acid.

Because of all the ketones building up so fast it like. changed my blood ph and. yeah. ended up with me in the hospital. The only way the body knows to get rid of it is through like. exhaling so I just. couldn’t breathe. I was breathing so rapidly.

I couldn’t keep track of the amount of times my nurses basically said “WOW U SHOULD BE DEAD” like, not literally, they weren’t literally saying that jkdsl;afjkdf, but saying stuff like “God gave you a second chance” and that I should just do whatever the hell i want to now and not wait. I don’t remember quite everything but i remember a lot, and i could just. never explain how it felt to be like. suffocating in my own body. My oxygen saturation was perfect and I had “no reason” to be breathing like that. IT felt like someone put a fucking boulder on my chestI was throwing up like every 10 minutes.

I couldn’t keep fluids down, i’m still struggling with appetite.I have so many bruises from IV’s /blood tests every day and a whole boatload of trauma to process as well as just being. so exahusted all the time bUT I FUCKING MADE IT. I LIVED BITCH. I"M DOING SO MUCH BETTER. just needing like. forever to recover.

TLDR: I hate everything and I might not stay on DA, here's other places you can find me SDJFKSLDFJ I'm so sorry like, this is coming off way more depressing than I meant it to JDFKL:SDJFK After each year on here, it got more and more tedious and frustrating for me to try and think about the year and every drawing I did. Life just gets more stressful, and it was so stressful this year I literally can't remember or think about what the beginning of the year was like for me. The only thing I can remember right now is the fact that I spent most of this year in "survival mode," struggling to be a part of any groups/drawing activities I was in and just ending up drawing for me and me only.

This year I think I've drawn the least amount of art I have in a year since. Forever, honestly. I suppose I can go count ,but I also know it only takes like 2 page turns to get to the beginning of the year's art for me.

With dA starting Dream Up, I didn't even want to post here anymore and haven't in a while. I wanted to move to twitter but uh. clearly that was a bad idea too. I've tried posting my art elsewhere but it just doesn't work with me for whatever reason. I debating even writing something here because I don't know how active I'll be on here.

I don't wanna leave DeviantArt. It has probably literally all of my art on it. it was the only place I posted consistently the entire time I've been on the internet. I don't want to leave, but with how hostile dA seems to be towards its users, and how AI art has literally made me want to quit drawing multiple times these past few months, I just don't know if I want to continue to post here, yet have no idea where I want to go. I don't know what my future here will be. I think I'll post the rest of the drawings I did this year, and try to make a year in review like I usually do (that'll be late at this point, its 6pm rn for me) but I'm not sure If I'll post here anymore, especially since art is getting harder and harder for me to do. Here's other places you can follow me on though. Even though I might not draw as much or post drawings, I'll still be around! That being said. Its not all bad. A lot of good things happened this year and I hate that the bad things can overshadow those. I genuinely hope you all have a wonderful new year!

I FUKCING FORGOT THE E SDJFKSDLF:JSDKL: